Review: Alien Covenant (In Theaters)

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If you don’t like Alien movies, this one right here isn’t going to magically change your mind. You have to fuck with this series to really appreciate this one, but if you accidentally saw Prometheus like I did (Seriously, I fucking realized today that I have unintentionally seen every single Alien movie, what in the fuck) then this fucking movie will treat you right. Danny McBride is in this fucking movie, and that is sick. James Franco is a burning person for 5 seconds. Solid performance from my guy Danny.

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cannabisleaf600.png cannabisleaf600.png cannabisleaf600.png cannabisleaf600.png = 4 Pot Plants

This one right here gets 4 pot plants. Personally we were pretty fucked up, but you literally watch a man get his spine ripped out in this.. so that tripped us the fuck out. If you over do it, we don’t see that being a fun experience for anyone. The reason it still holds in at 4? The CGI and visuals in this movie are fucking crazy. Alien has never been so fake but looked so good. The visuals look real, actually real. Watch this then fucking go back and look at the other movies. You will shit.

white-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.png= 3 Stars

Unfortunately, we are always going to tell you the truth. That means telling you that this isn’t a stand out movie in the series. Nothing like Alien VS Predator, that movie was fucking wild. Not to go as far as saying that this isn’t one that stands up against the rest, itImage result for alien covenant just doesn’t stand out. We think that equals a fair 3 stars. The ending (no spoilers) is completely predictable. Go watch the movie, you’ll see and be like “Damn that fucking guy was right”. As far as the rest of the movie, completely solid. Not really any twists, but great links in the story line to tie this and Prometheus together. We didn’t mention this originally, but it makes this way more enjoyable if you have seen that. Much easier to understand who all these fucking robots are.

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This isn’t going to reinvent this series, because the series doesn’t need it. A solid addition in the already stacked lineup of Alien movies and a fantastic sequel. That is typically hard to come by. Alien: Covenant comes out swinging and does exactly what you want it to. Nothing more and nothing less. This one is definitely worth a trip to the theater, don’t miss out!

 

Fuck You,

 

-James, Tyler, & Geno

High Society Makes a Comeback

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What is good motherfuckers? High Society smoke sessions is back this week to talk about the important shit like Action Bronson’s new album, our new review, and the new Alien movie. I just used the word “new” too many fucking times.. anyway…. Sit back and pack the bong.

Fuck You,

 

-James, Tyler, & Geno

 

Review: Gangs of New York (Amazon Prime)

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Leo is in this fucking movie. Leo is the goddamn man. This one is just a little older. Not too old to enjoy but definitely a few years old. Gangs of New York is not about modern day Bloods and Crips. It takes you back to a time when the Bowery Boys and the Dead Rabbits existed. To a time when gangs controlled the five points. A much simpler and dirtier time where everyone had a side hustle. Everyone picked pockets and stole from thy neighbor.

cannabisleaf600.png cannabisleaf600.png cannabisleaf600.png= 3 Pot Plants

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We think this movie is deserving of 3 pot plants.. kinda.. This one is pretty hard to nail down honestly. This movie is so fucking great. We don’t think you really need to be stoned to enjoy it. So I guess if you like being sober, do that. If you wanna microwave your brain, then fucking go for it. This movie is great no matter what setting or condition. That is a quality that is pretty hard to find in any film. The fight sequences in this are very realistic and not that much enhanced by being belligerently stoned (in our opinion).

white-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.png = 5 Stars

This whole website is just three stupid stoners opinions. The grammar sucks and we don’t always have the same rating as other bigger sites. The difference between us and them? We tell you the fucking truth. The good, the bad, and the absolutely terrible. We always report it. So when we rate something 5 stars.. we genuinely enjoyed the movie and saw no flaws. We see no flaws with this one. A little long maybe but it at no point does it feel drawn out or too long. Killer performances from household names. This movie makes you want and demand revenge for Leo’s character (No spoilers). We watched this shit 2 times before we sat down and wrote this. That is how fucking great this movie is.

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Gangs of New York will take you back to a day and age where the Italians and Irish were still brand new to this country. Fighting to find their way in this new land, they try to carve out a little spot of land for their people. What this action inevitably set in motion leads you all the way to the completely sad and amazing ending. Go check this shit out on Amazon Prime and see for yourself. Long live the dead rabbits!

 

Fuck You,

 

-James, Tyler, & Geno

Review: Frailty (Netflix)

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If you are one of the people that believe my guy Matt McConaughey only did romantic comedies up until Interstellar, well fuck you. Not to mention the GOAT himself  Bill Paxton (Rest In Peace you legend). To put it simply, this movie is a good one. Chalked full of twists and turns, this thriller will have you guessing until the very end.

This movie comes in at…..

cannabisleaf600.pngcannabisleaf600.png = 2 Pot Plants

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2 Pot plants is a solid rating for this one right here. This is a fucking thriller if I have ever seen one. Correctly categorized for fucking sure. The only problem, well not really a problem I guess.. I don’t fucking know. what was I saying? Anyway, the plot is pretty fucking dope in our humble opinion here at Ripped Tomatoes. We simply think it should be appreciated as such. Don’t want to miss figuring out who the mystery character is. (No spoilers here motherfucker)

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white-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star(Half).png = 4.5 Stars

The movie does not disappoint and comes in at a solid 4.5 stars. A story filled with murder, lies, and a family hell bent on murdering people they call “demons”. Obviously it is just fucking normal people.. but you be the judge of that. This movie only has one downfall, that many other movies in the genre also share. It just takes way too fucking long to care about this great movie. We seriously do not need 45 fucking minutes of build up.

This one is a little older but that doesn’t make it bad. A solid performance from some actors in their younger days, mixed with a great plot, and the final twist ending knockoutImage result for frailty to make this fucking shit right here worth the goddamn watch. So go fucking watch it then.

 

Fuck You,

 

-James, Tyler, & Geno

Review: John Dies at the End (Netflix)

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God this is a fucking fantastic movie. This one is pretty far out of left field. An insane story-line and unrecognizable actors other than that one fucking guy from Big Fat Liar (Paul Giamati) that came out when I was 10? No way this movie is worth a shit, especially with that stupid fucking name. Fucking wrong, our faithful reader. This movie is why you came to our website. If you like this shit even a little then you will absolutely love this movie.

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cannabisleaf600.pngcannabisleaf600.png cannabisleaf600.png cannabisleaf600.png = 4 Pot Plants

This one gets 4 pot plants. The way the whole story is told will completely fly over your microwaved brain if you go full retard. This is the part where we always (always) say however… So.. HOWEVER, such a great movie to rip tubes to and laugh at with you Image result for john dies at the endfriends. The two main characters find themselves on an unlikely journey slaying science fiction type creatures for the greater good. They stumble on to this dope drug and the movie gets even weirder (In a great way). The soy sauce apparently gets you pretty fucked up, so if you happen to know a guy.. Just saying.

white-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star(Half).png = 3.5 Stars

We have to give this movie 3.5 stars. We fucking love this film and think it is a classic, but rating it 5 stars would be incorrect. As stated earlier, the actors are completely unknown (Other than the guy from Big Fat Liar shout out Frankie Muniz you a real one). This could’ve been a hit with some great new talent, but not so much. Some of this acting is just bad. The movie is saved by how solid the two main characters are and the overall success of the story line. This one is perfectly rated at 3.5.

Great film to sit back and toke with the boys to. One for the late night pizza and pot guys night. Solid story that is basically all about doing drugs. What could be better than doing drugs to a movie based on doing drugs. Nothing fucking nothing. That’s what.. asshole..

 

Fuck You,

 

-James, Tyler, & Geno

Review: Clown (Netflix)

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This fuckin movie is different. That is all we really can say about this. Not a great one but not absolutely terrible. Pretty fucked up though if you ask us. An unsuspecting father puts on a clown costume for his kids birthday and all fucking hell breaks loose (Ever fucking watch that episode of Goosebumps? No? Fuck). All this fucking guy was trying to do was make his ungrateful little shit happy and he turns into a demon clown. No good deed goes unpunished.

cannabisleaf600.pngcannabisleaf600.pngcannabisleaf600.png = 3 Pot Plants

This one gets 3 pot plants. We aren’t huge fans of gore and this fucking clown is eating little kids exclusively. So basically you don’t want to be too fucking ripped for all that. Of course they pick these cute little kids too, except for one little shit. That kid deserved it. No spoilers but if anyone deserved to be eaten it was that fuckin kid. God this clown eats so many kids.

We wanted to give this movie a 2.5 star rating so bad for the entire thing. The whole fucking movie honestly. With all these children being fucking eaten and no real build up Image result for Clown movie netflixto the actual beginning of the movie, 2.5 star material. We couldn’t do it. The last thirty minutes of this shit will make your skin crawl. I fucking hate clowns. Fuck this guy and this movie. Not really though. Decent. 3 stars it is.

white-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.png = 3 Stars

This clown eats so many goddamn kids. That demon thing looks terrifying. If you are looking for something to creep you out and give you another reason to say fuck clowns, this is fucking it. They didn’t reinvent the wheel here, but they did well enough to make us watch a few episodes of Arrested Development before we pass out.

Fuck You,

-James, Tyler, & Geno

High Society Smoke Sessions

High Society Makes a Fucking Comeback

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What is good motherfuckers? High Society smoke sessions is back this week to talk about the important shit like Action Bronson’s new album, our new review, and the new Alien movie. I just used the word “new” too many fucking times.. anyway…. Sit back and pack the bong.

 

Fuck You,

 

-James, Tyler, & Geno

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________FUCK

 

(New!!) High Society Smoke Sessions!!

A new segment from us. Step into the smoke circle and talk about the important things in life with High Society smoke sessions. This week we welcome Geno to the crew, talk bongs, and North Korea.

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Fuck You,

-James, Tyler, & Geno

Review: Kong, Skull Island

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Some people are immediately not going to give this a chance. They are going to see King Kong and assume B movie with B actors. Well guess what asshole, you are fucking wrong. This movie has not one but multiple A+ actors, and a story line that does anything but suck. Just look at that fucking cast, just look, seriously. Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, John Goodman, Brie Larson (Babe) and John C. Riley?! Holy fucking shit. Talk about a line up.

 = 4 Pot Plants

This movie only gets 4 pot plants. This sounds strange since I just talked it up, and this is Image result for kong skull islanda King Kong movie so how in god’s name do I need to pay attention? Honestly, you don’t want to get too ripped and miss out on the smallest things that makes this movie so good. There are little details in the animation and the scenery that will be overlooked otherwise.

white-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.png = 4 Stars

Kong, Skull Island comes in at 4 stars. We wanted a real fucking ending, not a set up to a sequel as the entire ending. We liked the ending, but having the entire thing be a set up for the next movie is just fucking lazy. We are never fans of a sequel set up ending, that is why this is such an important part of the review. The over encompassing awesome of the movie keeps this at 4 stars. We talk about the music in movies a lot, and this movie is no different. The soundtrack is absolute bliss for the classic rock fan. 4 stars is a fucking solid rating for King Kong.

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We usually drone on about what the fuck is good and bad in the conclusion, but fuck that. Just go watch this. Do yourself a favor and watch this. We are excited to see what happens with the later movies in the series… even if we thought the ending was lazy.

Fuck You,

-James, Tyler, & Geno

Review: Deadpool

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See, now when we did Guardians of the Galaxy, this is what I was fucking talking about. This is a fucking super hero movie. The love story is just nasty enough to be absolutely perfect in this.  Ryan Reynolds holds it down as Deadpool and delivers a great movie.

 = 5 Pot Plants

Going to just be perfectly blunt here, this movie obviously and for good reason, gets 5 pot plants. This one right here was made with nothing in mind other than the stoned adult wanting something more than the everyday Iron Man. Deadpool knocks it out of the park with its self aware dialogue and sarcastic draw. Constantly switching between narrator and main character, Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) faces tackling the man that deformed  him and ruined his life forever, Francis.

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   white-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.png = 5 Stars

We can’t give this movie anything less than 5 stars. It would be a dishonest review. This movie is honestly a 5 star to us. The action doesn’t tell the story and doesn’t contribute to the 5 stars, it is an added fucking bonus. The story-line itself is solid Image result for Deadpooland doesn’t have any major holes or mistakes. The main thing that makes this movie 5 stars is how it manages to weave a love story into the perfect action.. comedy.. romance.. drama? This fucking shit satisfies all the goddamn categories.

The only person this movie isn’t for is little kids, and that is the beauty in it. This is a super hero movie for the adult kids. The kids that got old but still deserve a fucking solid super hero movie because I am a paying fucking customer now shit bag. Wow, that escalated quickly, my bad.. what was I saying? Anyway, best in awhile, won’t be beaten for a long time. Deadpool better have a fucking sequel.

 

Fuck You,

-James & Tyler

Review: Scream (Netflix)

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This was another fun one when it comes to horror. We loved doing Scream because it is one of the more recent “Classics” in the horror genera. It has recognizable actors and references younger than 40 years old. Scream definitely and unfortunately falls under the category of 90’s slasher. Alongside movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer and Candy Man.. followed by every fucking bad sequel and follow up to any slasher in the 80’s ever made (We are fucking serious guys, go ahead and take a second to look up how many sequels and prequels came out for slashers in the 90’s..), this one has to work hard to stand out.

Image result for screamWhat makes Scream different? Scream does a great job at keeping you guessing until the end. Until you really know, you don’t actually know who the killer is (No spoilers). The actual plot really holds this movie together, which is why it is so opposite of the other slashers in its era. We won’t talk about those though, Scream clocks in at a…

 = 2 Pot Plants

This one gets 2 pot plants. We are big fans of the horror genera over here at Ripped Tomatoes. Usually a little less gore and more scares is what is really our favorite. Scream delivers on both fronts, but uses more gore to create the horror. We really like this movie, but with all the cutting stabbing and blood, your ass probably shouldn’t be too fucking stoned. That shit would suck. Scream holds up at two pot plants and dips no lower for the sheer suspense. The main female protagonist fights her way, figuring out step by step who is killing her friends. The plot twists and unexpected final result really make it worth a little toke.

Scream holds it own in the plot and acting department for the majority of the movie. The only part that isn’t getting looked past..? The 90’s cheese is a HUGE factor. It isn’t the movie’s fault when it was filmed, it is that it features all the cliche. Sometimes you can just absolutely tell,”This bitch is gonna fucking fall down and get the shit stabbed out of her” You are. She does fall. She does get the shit stabbed out of her. for that reason motherfucker, Scream gets 3 Stars.

white-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.pngwhite-medium-star.png = 3 Stars

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All in all, solid slasher film. Goes above and beyond the call of any mid 90’s slasher and creates its own cult like following.The theme of the killer after a scary movie fanatic is great and just vague enough that the end is impossible to guess. A solid watch for you and some of your friends when you only have a gram left.

 

Fuck You,

 

-James & Tyler